The Men You Don’t Like

The amazing Tobey Maguire in IFC's glorious The Spoils of Babylon, you haters.
The amazingly great Tobey Maguire in IFC’s glorious The Spoils of Babylon, you haters. Image credit: IFC.

Okay, enough is enough. Another soon-to-be-disowned family-or-friend told me today they don’t like Tobey Maguire. At all. This all-too-frequent conversation generally goes something like this:

Me: “Oh, and I really like the Spider-Man movies, too.”

Them: “Yeah, I didn’t watch them. I don’t like Tobey Maguire.”

Me: “What! Why?”

Them: “I don’t know. I just don’t like him.”

Me: “But he seems so nice and I’ve read nice things about him and he’s wonderful and unicorns and rainbows.”

Them: “Meh. Don’t like him.”

Me: Unicorn tears.

Repeat several times over the years. Repeat with Keanu Reeves. Repeat with Riley, Buffy’s boyfriend in seasons 4 and 5. Oh, and repeat with Luke Skywalker, because everyone seems to think Han Solo is sooo much better.

Barf.

Well, I’ve had enough! Stop telling me how much you don’t like who I do like! Maybe we should just talk about who we all like instead. Idris Elba, of course. Michael Fassbender. All the actors who have played Marvel and DC characters except for, you guessed it, Tobey Maguire, which just baffles me! How can anyone not like Tobey Maguire!?

Sigh.

Yes, I know I kept saying I didn’t like Bradley Cooper and I had no idea why, but now that I want to have his babies I don’t want to talk about who I don’t like any more. I like everyone. Except for the asshats. And I never said I didn’t like Hugh Jackman!

But you’re wrong; Tobey Maguire is super likeable! He was a great Peter Parker/Spider-Man. He was a great Devon Morehouse and Nick Carraway. He was in Pleasantville and Seabiscuit, for goodness sakes! He’s always been great and he will always be great.

Great, I say!

Tobey Maguire is great
Tobey Maguire is pretty great. You haters. Image credit: Wikipedia.

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Richard Leis

Richard Leis is a fiction writer and poet, with his first published poem forthcoming later in 2017 from Impossible Archetype. His essays about fairy tales and technology have been published on Tiny Donkey. Richard is also the Downlink Lead for the High Resolution Imaging Science Experiment (HiRISE) team at the University of Arizona. He monitors images of the Martian surface taken by the HiRISE camera located on board the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter in orbit around Mars and helps ensure they process successfully and are validated for quick release to the science community and public. Once upon a time, Richard wrote and edited the science and technology news and commentary website Frontier Channel, hosted the RADIO Frontier Channel podcast, and organized transhumanist clubs. Follow Richard on his website (richardleis.com), on Goodreads (richardleis), his Micro.blog (@richardleis), Twitter (@richardleisjr), and Facebook (richardleisjr).